Alright so first let’s start with whatever the fuck happened last night. Bunch of work friends went out and at first I was all like “dude this blows I’m tryin to GTFO ASAP” but then the guys started buying bottles and I was all like “hell FUCKING yes”.
Then I started dancing all over the place thinking I’m some fucking amazing dancer,as i think everyone does when they’ve been over-served. Last call came out of no where and I was NOT ready to stop partying. So my friend and I got in an uber (drunk ubering=tell the driver life stories and awful jokes) and went to McDonald’s and I ate half her cheeseburger.(DE-FUCKING-LICIOUS).I also believe I possibly could have done a stand up comedy show last night because everyone kept laughing at everything I was saying…this could be good or maybe, I was making zero fucking sense. But, I told the uber driver and some guy today that I’m basically a comedian well on my way to being the next Andrew Dice Clay. (Hero)
Let’s get to Today- Sunday Mothaaaaa fuckin Funday – waking up was somewhat horrific. Thoughts of “where am I” , “who’s in my bed”, “Am I about to shit my pants or vomit”, “I’m STARVING”, “WAIT, am I dead?”. All the classic thoughts of someone who had way too many vodka clubs and champagne the night before. Also it was my friend in my bed, Not some random I was killing it on the dance floor all night with. We wake up, go fucking HAM at the diner, and go on an adventure day drinking and pedal boating – WAYYYY too much of an effort, there’s no way I could have swam today if I fell in. And there was definitely a good chance of me falling in today.
It was aggressive. We got asked if we were dating, by a girl, who then after I said no, tried to take me home. NOPE. NOT TODAY. But based on my outfit choice today I could see how she could have thought I was a lesbian. I gave ZEROS fucks today.
Then some other slutty girl told me I look like the HBIC at the table (head Bitch in charge) like just out of no where…everyone agreed with her so I guess that’s great news. I have no clue how on earth we did it today, and I now have the voice of a 90 year old man who’s been a smoker his whole life. YASSSSS . But I have to say it was a fucking blast and I’ll probably quit my job to become a stand up comedian, naturally.
Goodnight maaaaa people ✌🏾